Being Happy In Your Own Skin...

Nothing is harder on an artist or crafter than not being able to use their hands!

I overdid it a bit spreading 4 yards of mulch around our property before we leave on vacation today over the past 3 weeks, working like a fiend on the few non-rainy days we had. In the process, I gave myself a nasty case of tennis elbow (shouldn’t that be mulch elbow since I don’t play tennis?). In order for it to heal, I’ve had to do little or no drawing, stitching, gaming, knitting, typing or anything involving my right hand for the past week. Aaaargh!

Though Erin reminds me that the same thing happened when I shoveled all the gravel a few years ago right before my back went out, I found myself wallowing in worries and fears about my body being less invincible than I think... and how that affects my ability to be creative. I am less afraid of growing old than I am of getting something like arthritis that will cripple my hands... but this is the only body I live in, so I will just have to learn how to pace myself.

All I am taking to France is two sketchbooks. I plan to draw for the sheer joy of it and give my hands a break from everything else they do to fill my days.

Here’s what I meant to blog about last weekend when my hands couldn’t type...

The death of Michael Jackson and all the video tributes has made for some very interesting discussions in our household. Neither of my kids are very familiar with his music or videos and had certainly never seen pictures of what he looked like as a young man before the endless rounds of plastic surgery.

The French have a wonderful expression “etre bien dans sa peau” which basically means that you are comfortable in your own skin and happy with who you are.

Erin wore 3 inch heels to her Grade 8 graduation to have fun with her height since she knew that she’d be the tallest one there anyway. Some of her classmates had “dissed” her choice of dress as not being fancy enough when she described it to them (this is a grade 8 graduation for pete’s sake!) or told her that she didn’t know how to dress up from her jocky everyday school look... and BOY, did she prove them wrong! Why go for “pretty” when you can go for statuesque and stunning?



Nick was heartbroken that his school ceremonies were on the same night, but he bought a corsage for her and posed in our front hallway with her before she put on her heels to be taller than him.



When she strode across that stage to accept her award certificate, all I could think of was how proud her 6’3” great grandmother would have been! She always put her fingernails between my shoulder blades if she caught me slouching and told me to be proud of my height. I am sure that she is the reason I up straight and have great posture to this day.



There are many things about ourselves that we can change and quite a few that we cannot.
What matters is that each of us try to learn to “be well in our own skin”, to love who we are as unique creations and to take care of our bodies both inside and out.

I remember my own high school years and know that it will have challenging moments for Erin as well... but I am so glad that she is learning to have fun with the inches she has been given and celebrate them. To paraphrase the words of She-Hulk in her classic graphic novel “I’m 6’7” and green. People are going to stare anyway, so I might as well wear what I like!”

AMEN!!

It Make The Heart Hurt As Well As Grow Fonder....

Nick is up in Quebec City right now as the principal and also a chaperone on the Grade 8 field trip. They left early Thursday morning and though we’ve managed to touch base a few times by phone, it certainly isn’t the same as seeing each other on a daily basis.

These days, spending time apart for couples is becoming common again as one spouse may seek work out West or serve overseas. I am certainly not the only one to find the empty side of the bed disconcerting, but tonight I am feeling it deeper than I usually do.

I took the girls to see the movie UP this afternoon right after school. What an awesome, wonderful and poignant film. The only drawback was that I blubbered like a big softy at least twice in the movie. The opening scenes set up the premise so well and so passionately, that I doubt there was an adult (or savvy child) in the audience with a dry eye. The scene that got to me the most was the one later in the movie with the scrapbook. ( No, I won’t spoil it for those of you who haven’t seen it yet!) In the darkened theater, I suddenly realized that if I was missing Nick this much on a 4 day trip after almost 20 years of being married, what on earth would I do if he were to die before me after we’ve been together for another 20 or 30 years?

Being a total glutton for punishment, I picked up some pizza for the girls and we had a picnic in front of the TV for supper while I drank a few litres of water to wash the salty popcorn taste from my mouth. We put in the first DVD of Season 4 from Little House on the Prairie... and it happens to be the episode where the beloved dog, Jack, dies!! Luckily, Nick bought several boxes of tissue when they were on sale last week!

Now that the girls have gone to bed and the heavy rains have eased up, the only sound in the house is the tapping of my keyboard as I make this entry, avoiding going up to the half empty bed until I am so tired that I will sleep despite the absence of any weight or snoring noises on the other side of the bed. It is good to have time away from those who are closest to you now and then, because it makes you understand how easy it is to take people or stuff for granted.

The thing is, we cannot go through our lives without feeling things and taking chances. Any writer or illustrator who is going to REALLY speak to children wrestles with this. If there is no conflict and challenge for a character, then there is no growth. Truly great stories, legends and movies teach us about rising up in the face of adversity, about not losing hope in the face of insurmountable odds, about loving with our whole hearts even if it means that they might get broken, about standing up for what is right instead of just doing what is safe and won’t make waves.... and so much more.

That's what draws me to children's literature more than anything. Children may be growing up faster than I did in my day, but there is still room to believe...

When we see someone being heroic, we remember that it is possible for all of us to be more than we are, braver than we think and more tenacious in our hope.

BEWIXT AND BETWEEN...

At first, dealing with all the chaos of the unexpected, I didn’t know what to say...

Then, I wasn’t sure of how much I wanted to share...

Then I just got caught up in taking one day at a time...

Suddenly, so much time had gone by that it became almost intimidating to think of how to sum up the last few months.

I guess the best place to start is at the beginning.

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Right before Easter, I went in to teach 6 days of High School while my best friend took a much needed leave without pay to go on a cruise after completing her Master’s thesis and producing the musical Jesus Christ Superstar at the school. I went in to teach Office Technology and Journalism classes for the person who replaced her as the Vice-Principal.

A day after she and her family returned, my friend’s house was burned to the ground and her two cats killed in the blaze when a faulty propane tank on their BBQ exploded and destroyed their house in the ensuing blaze. As we helped them pick up the pieces of their lives, gave our godson a place to come when his parents needed to deal with all the chaos of sorting things out, the school decided that keeping me in for that teacher would offer the students a sense of consistency. Thus began over 3 weeks with one set of classes and then a variety that led to working 27 out of the last 38 teachable days!

Amid all this, Erin coped with the pinched nerve that caused the headaches, finished her volleyball season with another injury and is now waiting for the results of a mono test.

Bethany starred as one of the 2 lead roles in her school play at the District Drama Festival, finished Explorers, went off to a weekend camp and finished her 10 week preteen modeling course.

Nick has been wrestling with scheduling for next year amid one of the most ridiculous and insulting round of cutbacks to Education that our province has ever seen and trying not to rip his hair out. Thanks to the Liberal government here in New Brunswick, our schools will have less Teachers Assistants, almost no library time at any school as well as the highest number ever of split grade classes in Elementary schools as they fill each class to the legal limit to avoid paying for extra teachers. So much for the literacy-centred, quality education we were promised where our KIDS would come FIRST!

Despite the low teacher morale, I have indeed LOVED working with kids of all ages as a substitute teacher. I have taught one out of every 3 possible days so far this year, which has been way more than I expected to. After almost 2 years of juggling things around with the ebb and flow of cross stitch income, it has been really wonderful to bring in more income... but that can also become a temptation and trap unto itself.

The whole point of choosing supply teaching was to work a certain number of days a month and then devote the rest to illustration and designing...

Instead, it has been so easy to say yes to extra teaching and extra income instead of taking risks and sending work off to publishers.

Time and time again, I ask myself WHY it is easier to get busy at other things instead of allowing myself to be vulnerable.

Maybe I’ve become just as conditioned as the rest of our society to want everything FAST!

Some tasks need to be done slowly and properly if they are to accomplish what is needed.

See this junk? All of it came from our shed beside the house which hadn’t been properly sorted in 4 years. Victoria Day weekend, we took EVERYTHING out... even the dust and spiders. (I swept the dust, Nick handled the spiders)




We even had people stop at the end of the driveway to see if it was a yard sale only to leave disappointed.

4 hours, 2 runs to the dump and one run to the Salvation Army drop-off, we had a shed again.



Nick teased me for being way too OCD after labeling one set of drawers, but I smiled ever so sweetly and reminded him WHO bought me the labeler! In celebration of having a tidy shed and burning off all the calories moving stuff around, we went for the first Ice Cream Cone of the season as a family.



Now begins the transition into school closing activities, Grade 8 graduation ceremonies, piano recitals, Church picnics etc. I am learning to celebrate little moments and not take them for granted. Do you want to know how cheap lobster was here for Mother's Day or does my grin say it all?? (Cooked lobsters were $6.99 a pound! Whooo Hooo!)



Somewhere along the way, I need to think ahead to the fall and remember that I wanted this to be about balance instead of just diving into something to the oblivion of everything else.

It just goes to show you that even after school gets out, you never stop learning!

MOMENTS YOU DREAD...

There is nothing scarier than sitting beside your child in a hospital bed as they sob, not knowing what is wrong. After a great performance in the Greater Moncton Music Festival today, I took Erin back to school shortly before lunch only to receive a call around 1:30 that she’d almost collapsed in class while giving her oral presentation. I raced to school to pick her up and found her in tears with a blinding headache, almost unable to stand or walk on her own.

Five hours later we are home again and I have nothing but praise for the ER staff at the Moncton Hospital who got her right onto a stretcher in the trauma side and up for a CAT scan in a matter of hours. How thankful I am to live in a country with medicare tonight and for doctors who took her pain seriously, especially when they discovered that pressure on a certain spot at the back of her head made the pain escalate. The doctor immediately reassured her that this was a good sign since it probably meant that it was muscular or nerve related. I feel blessed that the CAT scan revealed nothing internal to worry about. The pinched nerve that had been bothering her earlier in the year has probably just reared its ugly head again in a rather dramatic way. The doctor recommended a stronger anti-inflammatory and a follow-up with our own family physician in a week to explore other options if the pain is still there.

I feel weak with relief and yet also far more sensitive to parents whose answers aren’t always as a relief as what I heard tonight.

UNEXPECTED MOMENTS...

In the whirlwind that has been supply teaching, drawing, stitching and volleyball season, I sometimes don’t know whether I am coming or going! We’ve had 3 tournaments in 3 weekends, only one of which was close enough to avoid a hotel stay. Erin has been in her element, but the rest of us are a bit bench weary.



The past few weeks have seen a wonderful melting of our snow which causes neighbours to stop and chat during their evening walks or children to don sneakers instead of boots to test out bikes. Yesterday, it was so warm that I hung the first load of towels outside on the line while I coaxed my family for a walk in the park near our home.

What a difference 24 hours can make here in the Maritimes. We woke up to our second spring blizzard in less than a week. Everything ground to a halt last Tuesday as well. The difference with this storm is that we’ve had SO much snow fall today that the roads are still almost impassible. We’ve certainly had more than the 20 cm they were calling for (almost 8 inches) Nick JUST came in from wrestling with the snowblower for over an hour and a half. The massive storm looks like it will dump a further 15 cm (almost 7 inches) on us tonight!

I have spent the whole day in my pyjamas. I can’t remember the last time I did that when I wasn’t sick and it felt wonderful. We sometimes need these unexpected moments that force us to be still to remember to recharge our batteries.

In a society where we heat or cool our cars and buildings, we sometimes think that life should go on “as normal” every single day, regardless of what Mother Nature throws at us. I think perhaps that we have separated ourselves to much from listening to the rhythm of the seasons and the weather. So instead of trying to get anywhere today, we spent time as a family. We watched Twilight, Bethany and Nick enjoyed a good round of Lego Batman, I knit and stitched, Erin researched a mini-project due Friday and drew a manga.

With the arrival of a grand nephew in the family, I’ve had an excuse to play with some baby wool that creates its own pattern as you knit. Here is Liam’s jester hat before I put the first pompom on!



Here is the wool that I want to play with to make a long pair of socks as soon as I finish my blue pair. This is all Barb’s fault for sending me that first ball of Opal wool over a year ago and Yarn Harlot for writing such an easy to follow sock pattern!!! I honestly never thought I would get this addicted to socks!



Of course I learned the hard way over the past 3 weekends that I can only knit scarves at volleyball tournaments. I knit by feel and use the needles in my hand to keep from chewing my fingernails to little stubs when the score gets close. The 4 row moss stitch pattern that I’d tried to start for Liam’s jacket was a total disaster because I could never remember which row I was on. So I just made 9 scarves instead! Maybe that’s why winter hasn’t left yet.

It is wonderful to see both my daughters coming into their own. Bethany has started a 10 week modeling course and just loves it. I enrolled her to help with her posture, because she’d begun to slouch a bit, but she is having fun learning about proper nutrition, body care and how to walk down a runway. Great fun for someone who was hooked on America’s Top Model in reruns!

Erin had a brilliant weekend in Halifax at the tournament, even though her team got eliminated in the semifinals after going into them as the top ranked team in the tourney. Her coach had purchased silver medals for each team member to make up for the lack thereof at the last tournament along with two MVP trophies. Erin not only scored the winning points to get her team to the semifinals, she also spent Saturday encouraging her team not to give up when the going got tough... which earned her this bling from a very classy coach.



This weekend, she also met the scout from one of the universities in Nova Scotia who asked if he could talk to us at tournaments over the next few years as Erin went through High School! I am sure that this won’t be the last time someone talks to us about where Erin might play and go to school someday, but it was pretty exciting to meet a scout at almost 14!

Just as the weather can switch from one extreme to another, our lives can change from one day to the next...

but with every warm day comes the promise of spring...

with every blank page comes a drawing to be...

with every ball of yarn come countless possibilities...

and with every experience... come hundreds of dreams.

Dream Well!

Trying to Find the Right Balance...

It feels a little bit like walking a tightrope!

I came home from the SCBWI conference in NY and leapt right into a crazy round of supply teaching days and Writers In The School visits. After two years of very bleak income from designing cross stitch, it has been a real help to our family to be able to earn a fairly regular income from substitute teaching. I’ve also discovered that I really, REALLY love it!

Doing school visits with the Writers In the Schools Program (or in my case Illustrator) is even more fun because I get to talk to the kids about a fairly nontraditional career, living a creative life and, of course, having a back-up plan.

But I have REALLY missed the FULL days to DRAW!

So I think that I am finally finding the balance between teaching enough days to help the bottom line and not feeling guilty when I need a day to work on pieces for my portfolio. I have trained myself to think of it as a DIFFERENT kind of work that day, instead of a day at HOME... so that I don’t get lost in the trap of laundry, e-mail, paperwork etc. That’s what weekends are for (except for right now when 3 consecutive weekend volleyball tournaments are making things interesting!) and not my painting/drawing days.

It is a bit like knitting a sock. I finished the purple pair for my sister and jumped right in to a blue pair for myself. A sock has many stages and you cannot rush or avoid any part of the sock... or it ceases to be a sock.



Slowly but surely, I am finding the balance between all my various parts: teacher, artist, wife, mother etc. and learning to savour the tasks at hand for each instead of dashing between them and getting tangled!

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

Here is a fun, Girl Power, calorie-free, guilt-free little design to stitch up for yourself or for someone you love to remind them that they don’t HAVE to have someone in their life to be complete.

I have been happily married to Nick for almost 20 years now, but I also have a lot of friends who have been through messy divorces, lost husbands to illness or sudden deaths lately. I am also raising two girls in a world where the pressure to “pair off” and have someone special in your life has never been stronger. I keep telling them not to settle for SECOND BEST and to just spend time figuring out who they are for the next few years at least.

This year’s Valentine Treat can be found on my website Newsletter page.

Since my Mother-In-Law has taken the girls for the night... that’s all the time I am going to spend blogging. I have a date with my Best Friend (who just happens to be my husband)!

Happy Valentine’s Day!!!